I CAN EXPLAIN!
Okay. Okay, really.
See, for years now, I have been threatening to draw the Hama Sutra. And I have been threatening to do this for a couple of reasons, most notably that A) occasionally artists have NEEDS, damnit, and want to draw something raunchy, but…well…as has already been observed, I have this cuteness problem. And, perhaps more nobly, B) have you ever noticed that all the art about and featuring sex is usually so damn GRIM? I mean sure, some of it’s passionate and whatnot, but damned if anybody ever looks like they’re having FUN.
I am of the opinion that sex should, at least some of the time, be lighthearted and playful and occasionally silly. And the people—or hamsters—involved should look like they’re enjoying themselves, damnit! And…well…a friend of mine offered to write the text for the Hama Sutra, and…well…I was at this bar, and…
If future art historians would ever like to pinpoint the exact moment I secured my place in hell, this one’s a good bet.
The tail wiggle really makes it. - Ursula Vernon
I was talking to my brother about women’s attitudes towards their bodies, especially regarding weight/fat, and when he said “most guys don’t notice/care about that kind of thing,” I tried to explain why it was a lot more complicated than that. I ended up telling this story.
Body image is something that’s so hard to talk about, and it’s hard to express body positivity without sounding cheesy, false, or overly simplistic. But I’m gonna try. This is only my own experience, and it didn’t magically cure me of all my body image issues - but it was a major turning point for me nonetheless.
why do people reblog posts like this like wheres the humor do you get it from the fat guy? “haha lol look at that fat guy that thinks hes so cool with a ninja sword” is that what you think is fucking funny about this? why do you all have some kind of mindset that youre somehow better then this kid like he obviously gets alot of enjoyment and pride from doing that so where do you get off making fun of him on the internet you fucking pricks
Actually I just thought it was cool he sliced open a milk jug with a katana
Seriously. That must take some serious skill! I can only imagine what my attempts would look like.
In the end
I want my heart
to be covered
in stretch marks.
I’ve been a massage therapist for many years, now. I know what people look like. People have been undressing for me for a long time. I know what you look like: a glance at you, and I can picture pretty well what you’d look like on my table.
Let’s start here with what nobody looks like: nobody looks like the people in magazines or movies. Not even models. Nobody. Lean people have a kind of rawboned, unfinished look about them that is very appealing. But they don’t have plump round breasts and plump round asses. You have plump round breasts and a plump round ass, you have a plump round belly and plump round thighs as well. That’s how it works. And that’s very appealing too.
Woman have cellulite. All of them. It’s dimply and cute. It’s not a defect. It’s not a health problem. It’s the natural consequence of not consisting of photoshopped pixels, and not having emerged from an airbrush.
Men have silly buttocks. Well, if most of your clients are women, anyway. You come to male buttocks and you say — what, this is it? They’re kind of scrawny and the tissue is jumpy because it’s unpadded; you have to dial back the pressure, or they’ll yelp.
Adults sag. It doesn’t matter how fit they are. Every decade, an adult sags a little more. All of the tissue hangs a little looser. They wrinkle, too. I don’t know who put about the rumor that just old people wrinkle. You start wrinkling when you start sagging, as soon as you’re all grown up, and the process goes its merry way as long as you live. Which is hopefully a long, long time, right?
Everybody on a massage table is beautiful. There are really no exceptions to this rule. At that first long sigh, at that first thought that “I can stop hanging on now, I’m safe” – a luminosity, a glow, begins. Within a few minutes the whole body is radiant with it. It suffuses the room: it suffuses the massage therapist too. People talk about massage therapists being caretakers, and I suppose we are: we like to look after people, and we’re easily moved to tenderness. But to let you in on a secret: I’m in it for the glow.
I’ll tell you what people look like, really: they look like flames. Or like the stars, on a clear night in the wilderness.
don’t forget to keep yourselves hydrated at all times you glistening bags of meat
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